I’ve been alive for almost 19 years and 6 months. I’ve made too many mistakes to count but I’ve never regretted anything. Now I regret something.
The girl I’m in love with was “stuck”, soooooooo I pushed her. Into the arms of someone else. The worst part? I did it on purpose. I did everything I could think of to piss her off so she could hate me.
Now I regret it.
I’m weird, silly, sometimes immature, stupid, rude, inconsiderate, and often careless; I’m a jerk, a total asshole, and so much more. You know my ugliest side, and the worst things about me; things I’ve kept to myself for years. I mean, you know how hard I am with people, you know how hard it is for me to let someone is; I’m like a labryinth, and yet, you got close to me with relative ease. I’m ridiculously far from perfect, and yet somehow, you find it within you to continue to love me. Thats more than anyone has ever done for me. That makes my heart smile. Instead of seeing you and your love for me, I’ve been focused on playing the hurt and blame game with you. No apologies will be given, as they are irrelevant to you. My words say one thing, My actions - another. My poetry; You inspire. You give me reason beyond all things to hope for the better. As far as I’m concerned….you’re the one, or rather, I hope that you are. You’ve spent so long trying to look beyond my flaws, let me prove that it was worth the time you spent.
“I was there for you felisha. When you needed a place to stay, I took you in. When you came home from college and needed a place to sleep. I made room for you. But when I needed you, you were gone off with your girlfriend. I had knee surgery and needed you. And I understand that you’re young and you don’t want to feel trapped at home because every morning you have to help me. But I needed you. Donnie and Tony couldn’t help take in and out of the bath everyday. Or to help me get myself upI needed you for that and you weren’t here. You messed up because you put what you wanted and what she wanted over what I needed. Now you’re here and you’re doing your best to do everything you can. I’m glad you realized your mistake.”—My grandma
“It takes time to make money therefore time is money, yes that is true,
But more relevant is the fact that I would still spend it all on you.
Heart beating outta my chest, nervous to tell it all,
Truthfully I’m just afraid that you won’t catch me if I fall.
I want it, so ima get it, forsaking my passive ways,
I shoulda been more aggressive when we broke up that day.
Time is of the essence, I’m trying to spend what I’m I have left with you,
Damn girl, just tell me I’m doin right, I mean is anything I’m doing brand new…….”—Excerpt from the Improv open mic night.
At times..i drift off only so that you and me can meet in my dreams. Hold you in my arms and pretend you belong to me. Then reality hits. Im on some other ish. I want what I cant have. Always trying to touch, what I cant grab. I want to kipnap you from my dreams and change this nightmare called reality. Am I wrong for being a theif? I want to steal your heart from the owner and make it mine I want to take you from the arms your wrapped in, only to fill mine. If I could I would but I cant, so I dont. I just day dream Me, You, Us, We, an item. A pair. Why do I it? Because. She is a beautiful mystery. Intriguing eyes and sexy lips. A radiant smile and she knows not what she does to me. What little conversation we have and had is like …mental stimulation. In this garden of life..she is forbidden fruit but I cannot fight the temptation.
These feelings are skin deep for we barely know each other and she belongs to another. So I just day dream until these dreams becomes reality. If it meant to happen it will be But for now Its just my imagination running…away with me
The Wisest Words
Dear Nanyamkah Jarie Barkwell,
because of you….I was inspired to write this poem.
Therefore, because of you, it is getting published.
A not so long relationship,
One person falling in love.
You’re still my angel,
Sent to me from above.
We laughed and had fun,
Talked about how we felt.
I realy didn’t want you to know,
That conversing with you, made my heart melt.
You were the best part of me,
Whenever we talk, my heart wishes to connect,
And as I sit there and listen,
My heart says “she’s still perfect”.
A handful of text messages,
Wishing your love was mine to command.
Dreaming that we could once again be together,
Hoping that you would understand.
I love you so much,
Won’t you just please come home.
My heart is missing you dearly,
And is painfully alone.
“I love you because…you make my heart smile. As much as I wish I could stunt that if we broke up id be ok…I can’t. There’s not a single night that I sleep right without you. Without you…my sun doesn’t shine…and I don’t know smile…and you know I’m ALWAYS smiling…true enough we have our problems but damn. I never thought id look at you the way I do.
I love you lil girl.”—Felisha Rowe
No, I dont feel comfortable with Camille: having my girlfriends number, texting my girlfriend, talking to my girlfriend, or having any type of relationship with her…but will i tell my girlfriend. nope. either she knows and doesnt care, or she’ll find out over tumblr.